There’s a lot of amazing things going on in The Cosby Show, which is pretty clear from the show’s 8-season run. I could dedicate multiple posts on all of the things that make it so great (the fashion, Clair’s sassiness, Cliff’s faces, Cliff and Clair’s overall annoyance and love felt for their children), but right now I’m going to focus on one small thing: Rudy Huxtable’s bedroom.

The room's main inhabitant, though, as Cliff would point out, not the room's owner.

At the beginning of the series, 4 out of the 5 Huxtable children are living at home: Sondra Huxtable, the oldest child, is away at Princeton, while Denise, Theo, Vanessa, and Rudy Huxtable are in the house. Denise has a bedroom, Theo has a bedroom, and Vanessa and Rudy share a bedroom. All three of these rooms share something unique, however: they each have two beds. Vanessa and Rudy share, so that’s obvious. It can be assumed that Sondra and Denise shared a bedroom before Sondra started college (they might have mentioned this toward the beginning of the series, in fact), but it’s never been explained why Theo has two twin beds instead of one double, queen, or king bed in his bedroom (though let’s be real, Cliff and Clair would never buy a king-sized bed for one of their children). But that’s all besides the point.

By the time Season 5 is happening, Sondra’s still gone, Denise has dropped out of college but is on a mysterious African photography trip and is gone, Theo is in college but forgot to pay for a dorm, Vanessa’s still in high school and Rudy is still in elementary school. As the case tends to be in situations like this, Vanessa has moved beyond her shared bedroom with Rudy and now has Sondra/Denise’s room, so now every child as a room to themselves (though each room still has two beds).

There’s Rudy’s bedroom, as seen in Season 4′s episode “It’s Not Easy Being Green.” It’s really just half of the room, but it’s nearly impossible to get the entire thing in one shot. But do notice the two beds (both of which are made pretty impressively, in my opinion).

Weird Things #1-#2

Here’s Rudy, again in Season 4′s episode “It’s Not Easy Being Green,” staring at a portrait of herself. A few seconds from this shot, she can be seen stroking the face of the portrait. Maybe all of my rooms have had different decorating schemes, but I just find it odd that Rudy has large-ish framed picture of herself on her dresser. There are no other photos of any other Huxtables, not even of Sondra, whom has not lived in the house for years, or of Denise, who is also out of the house, or her beloved grandparents, Russell and Anna Huxtable. I’d also like to point out that in Season 5, there are still no other photos of any other Huxtables, even though Rudy is by then the aunt to Sondra’s twins and Denise is on a seemingly endless trip to a rather dangerous continent. Now if we know anything about children, it’s that they’re self-centered. That’s all they can be, and really all they should be, to an extent. Now I believe Rudy is about 7 years old in Season 4, which would still put her well into the Self-Centered Child category. But usually that self-centeredness is marked with naivety and a lack of self-awareness, not so much self-worship. We know Rudy is confident and sometimes overestimates her abilities, but isn’t it weird that she takes time out of her day to gaze at herself? Now, to be fair, she’s sad in the scene above and there’s a decent amount of self-pity going on, but I think it can also be assumed that she sees the photo everyday and is happy enough with looking at herself to keep it there. You can also note the photo’s close proximity to the closet, and in the closet door is a mirror, for an even more up-to-date Rudy checkout.

The other thing is the nightlight to the right of the dresser. What is on that nightlight? A baby’s head? Is that what makes Rudy feel secure at night: a glowing baby head? Seems strange. If that’s not in fact a baby’s head, I don’t think I really want to know what it is.

Weird Thing #2.5

Full disclosure: the above almost doesn’t count because these weird paper fish are not a permanent fixture in Rudy’s room. But in “It’s Not Easy Being Green,” there’s a decent amount of time spent on Rudy sadly sitting at her desk, looking at and holding the weird colored cartoon fish, so I felt like I had to point them out. I have to assume they’re some sort of school project, or maybe some kind of flashcards, but they really aren’t doing a great job of cheering Rudy up and ARE doing a great job of being confusing.

Weird/Awesome Thing #3 (and note the aforementioned mirror)

That stuffed dog is not weird, and is in fact sort of awesome, but I have to keep with the theme and call it weird. But what its purpose is is quite confusing. Is that dog some sort of safety spokesdog? Or the face of doggy construction workers everywhere? Whatever he represents, he’s good at it, as indicated by the medal around his neck. The hat could either be some sort of safety helmet or strange plastic 10-gallon cowboy hat, but for dogs. And if that’s the case, then I’m extra curious about what he won an award for. Cow wrangling? Cow branding? Maybe he’s some sort of rodeo doggy. But since Rudy has, at this point, never shown particular interest in either safety or cowboy activities, your guess is as good as mine.

Straight-up Awesome Thing #4

Okay, so that record player isn’t weird or weird/awesome, just straight-up awesome. But I’m still numbering it the same. I just wanted to point it out because I think it’s really cool and interesting. My first thought is that it’s pretty cool of a 7 year old to have a record player, but when I was 7 I at least had a cassette player and possibly also had some sort of CD player, as it was 1993. But still, I’m really into Rudy’s record player, especially the giant metal rod in the middle (for the record [ha!] I tried looking up to see if that metal rod on a record player has a specific name but couldn’t find one, so if there is one and you know it, know that I tried).

Also, bonus side-view of the safety cowdog.

Awesome Thing #5

Now here’s Rudy in her bedroom from Season 5 in “Cyranoise de Bergington.” Notable are the beds, not as well-made (but that’s a plot point here) and the pretty awesome new addition to her door. If you refer back to the first photo, you’ll find that there was some poster of unknown origin on her door, being pretty uninteresting. But at some point between Season 4 and Season 5, Rudy got into Whitney Houston, and added a poster on her door to show for it. And so now Rudy has (as far as we can see) exactly one other photo in her room except for the one of herself (which is still there, just obstructed from view here), so Whitney must be feeling pretty accomplished.

Awesome Things #5.5-#6

A few things worth noting here: the poster above the safety cowdog and record player (but I can’t tell what it is so it doesn’t get a number), the sweet addition of the dust cover to Rudy’s record player, and, most importantly, Cliff’s awesome annoyed/disgusted face. Again, this annoyed face of Cliff’s is not exactly a permanent staple to Rudy’s room, but one can be assured it shows up in her room often enough to count. He’s annoyed because he’s making Rudy do chores to pay him back  for the necklace that he bought Clair for Clair’s birthday, which will be from Rudy. And Clair has just discovered Rudy cleaning her bedroom and is overjoyed with motherly pride for her go-getter daughter. And Cliff knows Rudy is just full of shit.

Weirdest Thing of All #7

And of course, the weirdest/most terrifying thing Rudy’s room is saved for last. Maybe you caught glimpses of it earlier, like when we saw Rudy’s room as a whole or when Rudy was stroking her photo. I am of course referring to the painting of the satanic clown that can be seen above Rudy’s dresser. Is that a clown in blackface? And is the clown kidnapping one child while beckoning its other child followers along? Naturally, the face is the scariest thing of all. Rudy sleeps in the bed to the left of the door, essentially right next to where she’s standing in the photo above. So, as far as we know, when Rudy goes to sleep at night, she turns over to see that horrifying monstrosity staring back at her. That horrifying monstrosity, as illuminated by the glowing baby head below it.

If my calculations are accurate, Rudy will be about 11 years old in the show’s final season. Will she have outgrown all of this stuff by then? Will she still have the photo of herself as a 5 year old to look at everyday? Will she still be a Whitney Houston fan? But really, most of all, will that scary clown be gone or will he be a part of the show until the end?

There’s only one way to find out, so from now on, I will be finishing the series for the sake of art.

Are you serious?

On principle, I agree with all of those things. I just had my five year high school reunion. It wasn’t long ago that I was a child. I think you should still have fun when you’re 23, get drunk with your friends, flirt, “live in the moment.” Of course I think that. But for me, and a lot of other people around my age, it’s just not an option. I see a lot of advertising with this image of being a 20-something. Stuff like this:

Very attractive young people (one with a notably unnecessary hat) playing bocce ball with some cool old people. They’re so young and beautiful, with so much time on their hands to be with their friends and have fun. Isn’t youth grand? Or take this gem:

Jumping into the pool with your clothes on! Carelessly cutting jeans into cutoffs while an old person looks on in confusion! Taking off your top in an open-air car! Skateboarding in a pack for some reason! Crowd surfing! Fun! So much fun! Everyone is so beautiful, the girls are so thin and their hair is so lush! And I bet those kids don’t even realize what fun they’re having because they’re just kids, after all.

I don’t blame older people for being jealous of those in their 20′s, if their 20′s are like that. And no, I am not denying the existence of this lifestyle, as I have (I did go to a private art college, after all) in fact seen with my very eyes kids my age leading similar lives. What’s interesting is that they all seem to have a common thread: parents with money and parents willing to give them that money.

Here’s my reality, of being 23: I have a BFA from a “respected” (?) art university with nothing to show for it except a piece of paper and massive debt. My last paycheck was $100.25. I live at home, where I don’t have to pay rent, because I don’t have money to pay rent. There is no money for me to move anywhere. I can’t get a full-time job anywhere (and I mean that in both any place and any field). I can’t get a second part-time job to supplement the maybe-10-hours-a-week-if-I’m-lucky part-time job that I do have. All of my friends from college live, at the very least, 150 miles away, though most of them live in the 1,000 miles away range. I don’t have money to visit them. Even a weekend trip to Chicago costs, with gas and food, at least a paycheck. And that’s not accounting for actually doing stuff while there. And that’s a paycheck I need for monthly student loan bills and my pathetic attempt to save for a move out. There’s also the fact that, because I am no longer a student, I no longer have health insurance. And before you suggest something about that Obama policy of keeping post-graduate kids on their parents’ health insurance, please understand that of course I’ve thought about that, but that is not a blanket policy. In my case, it doesn’t make a difference. It’s complicated, but all that really matters is I am uninsured and cannot afford to be insured.

Oh yes, isn’t youth so carefree? It’s so much fun. I love wasting my life sitting in my mom’s house, applying to 1700+ (and that is an accurate number) jobs that I haven’t gotten and will not get, in a town of less than 4500 people. I love thinking that I am still 22 at first thought before I remember that a year of my life has been lost to debt and unemployment. I love the stress that my family feels because of this debt and unemployment. I love the anxiety that comes with being uninsured. I love never seeing my friends (but obsessively thinking about them because I don’t have much else to do), those who, for various reasons, have managed to at least move out of their parents’ house. I love hearing about beautiful 20-something girls, who can wear little dresses and get their hair cut at salons and be cool because they’re thin and curse without flinching and know that I will never be one of them (minus the cursing, but if you aren’t cute then it’s not cute). And I think what I love most of all is being told time and time again to “stay positive.” That a positive attitude will do anything. Because yes, I guess that’s the one thing that’s really holding me back.

So thanks, everyone, for telling me your version of what it’s like to be 23 in this country right now. But please understand that youth is not wasted on the young. Youth is wasted on the privileged.

Started: 05/26/07 8:05 pm

Finished: 05/26/07 8:27 pm

So basically, I sat down, wrote for barely over 20 minutes, turned it in, got an A, and never looked at it again until yesterday, over four years later. But it’s a weird little piece, and I liked it, so I thought I would put it here.

The Window

Elizabeth Dixon

Looking at him was like looking through a big sheet of glass. Not the clear, boring kind, though. More like stained glass, or maybe sea glass. Yes, sea glass was definitely more like it. He had a bit of a green tint about him anyway. When she looked at him she could see the past and the future, his soul and her own. It was hard for her to look away.

He looked at her like she was an insect. Insect is really too professional of a term; he looked at her more like she was a bug. She was this thing that was shiny and big and skinny at the same time. She looked back at him with foreign eyes that he did not understand. He looked at her like a giant jade monolith that he didn’t understand the purpose of. He was scared to look at her for too long.

This ‘she’ was Mary and the ‘he’ was Pluzac. Mary lived on a flat farm in Illinois that didn’t do much but sit there and grow the occasional soybean. Pluzac lived in the darkness and he didn’t do a whole lot either but walk. I use the word walk very lightly, as well, and you would agree if you saw Pluzac move. He would speed up as fast as a little jetting bee and then slow down like the bee’s honey. Mary wanted to put oil in his joints because that had worked in some movie she saw when she was little, but she couldn’t figure out how to do it. She was afraid to touch him anyway. Pluzac’s skin looked as though it could slide off as easily as a baked fish’s and Mary was afraid that, if his skin did slide off like a baked fish’s, she would not like what she would see underneath.

Mary and Pluzac’s meeting was a complete accident. Mary says it was fate. Pluzac doesn’t know what it was. She was lying down on the earth too dry to grow the soybeans that were stuffed inside it. She liked the way the leaves smelled and she liked the feeling she got on her bare legs, either from tiny bugs or from little bits of dirt. She didn’t know which, but she liked the feeling anyway. Behind her, Mary could hear a faint grunting that sounded like an animal that didn’t belong on her farm. So she sat up and looked toward the noise but couldn’t see anything. It was 11:30 at night and was very dark, though everything was underneath a sheer blanket of silver moonlight. She looked harder, trying to make her eyes adjust while the noise just kept getting louder. That’s when Mary saw Pluzac for the very first time. He didn’t emerge out of the darkness like you would expect. Mary just stared and stared until he was suddenly there. At first she assumed she had made him up completely, just a figment of her small but thirsty imagination. But when their eyes met and Pluzac stopped and grunted at her, she could feel that this was completely real.

Pluzac didn’t know, at first, if Mary could see him. She wasn’t supposed to be able to but it seemed like she was looking straight at him. He turned around, but nothing was behind him. She was looking at him. He stopped moving and let out a grunt that he immediately regretted. Pluzac knew there was something he was supposed to do in this situation. There was a protocol, he knew it. He just could not remember what it said to do. His instinct was to turn around and try to run without making a sound. Looking back on it, Pluzac knew that this would probably have been the best choice. Mary would have assumed it was all in her head. But he didn’t run. He didn’t move at all. It was Mary who moved.

“Hello?” She took a step forward, then another one. “Hello?” she repeated. Pluzac still didn’t move. “I’m Mary. I live here on this farm. Who are you?” Pluzac stared at her. He could see her little mouth move and hear a sound that lazily swam over to him, but he didn’t know what the sound was. She kept getting a little closer. All Pluzac could do was grunt, longer and louder this time. Was that what he was supposed to do? He still couldn’t remember. Mary stopped. “It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you. Are you lost?” She got closer again. Mary was getting bolder with her strides; she now stood mere feet from Pluzac. Pluzac looked down and saw how close she was to him. This was certainly not good. He could tell Mary was figuring him out with each passing second she spent looking at him.

In reality, though, the longer Mary looked at him the more confused she became. His eyes were completely black, like two big marbles mashed into his putty face. Maybe he didn’t even have eyes. Maybe he just had holes in his head, holes Mary could hook her fingers into to pull him closer to her. She got closer. Pluzac could feel air on his face. It was light and smelled sour. Mary did not feel him breathe on her face. He did not seem to move in the slightest at all. She smiled at him.

“Hello. I’m Mary.” She held out her hand in front of him. Pluzac looked down at it. What was she doing to him? He tried to feel if his body was getting weaker, if she was projecting some sort of force onto him out of her hand. He didn’t feel any different, though. Mary put her hand down. “Not too much of a people person? Yeah, me either.” She said this with a laugh. The new sound that came out of her made Pluzac jump back slightly, the only movement she had seen from him since he stopped walking.  “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to scare you.” He knew that she saw him wince. What a stupid mistake that was. Now he could not stand motionless until she grew tired of him. He couldn’t be a figment of her imagination or a statue. Now what was he supposed to do?

“Do you want to come inside?” Mary moved slightly, standing at an angle toward her house that seemed miles away. Pluzac looked at her and then past her. Was she asking him to go with her? Now that he couldn’t think of any other options he didn’t know if was such a bad idea. Maybe if he got underneath some light she would look at him and run away screaming and though it wasn’t ideal, the situation would be somewhat taken care of. He moved forward. Pluzac was so slow that Mary didn’t even notice that he had accepted her offer to come inside.

“Well if you don’t want to come inside, maybe I could go in myself and bring you something. Do you need anything? Water? Maybe a nice sandwich?” Mary had moved squarely in front of him, the welcoming angle toward her house closed. Pluzac stopped immediately. Had he angered her? What was she going to do to him? He stepped backwards. Mary noticed this time. He was fast now.  “Where are you going?” Pluzac didn’t understand what it was, but something changed within her voice. Mary was speaking to him out of desperation, begging Pluzac not to leave her like she was begging her mother not to take her dog to the vet for the last time. He was convinced now that he had angered her. She was going to make him regret his impoliteness. She had already succeeded, in fact; Pluzac regretted ever making the turn that landed him on this flat piece of land. Now he knew he had to run. He turned around and prepared his body for the sprint, but only moved slowly. Not so slow that Mary did not notice his movements, but slow enough that he wasn’t running. I don’t know if you would even call it walking either. Pluzac jerked around like his bones were broken.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Where are you going?” Mary moved forward to catch up with him. Pluzac, still moving, turned to her and grunted. He stretched his neck out in an attempt to make his body speed up but instead his neck just jerked a little bit, not increasing his speed at all.

Mary saw him nod toward the darkness, toward where he had come from. She stared at him. She wanted to take his hand but was afraid to touch him.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Pluzac looked at her still and grunted again. He wanted to slap her away, to grunt and move around until she was scared off. Mary looked into his black holes and heard his grunt; she felt it must be his only way to communicate with her. He felt it too; she had rendered him unable to speak. All she had to do was take his hand and look into his eyes and she would be free from this place. Mary was scared and did not know where they would go. All she did know was that he had come and sought her out and she would do whatever it took to return with him. Mary took his hand in hers. Pluzac looked down and expected to disintegrate. They were touching. They were touching for real now; it was not just a hypothetical thing anymore. The worst thing that could happen had just happened. Not only was she touching him, but also had somehow linked her body with his. He panicked and his fear propelled him forward, Pluzac finally getting the speed he needed. Mary’s head whipped back as she shot forward. Mary looked over at Pluzac, who in turn was looking back at her with those dark holes, and together they launched forward, out of Illinois and into the darkness.

CHILL\/\/A\/\/\/\/\/\/E UP IN HERE

I made a music mix for July. It’s good, trust me. Download it.

A lot of this came from Cats Purring.

Dent May

Thao & Mirah

Papercuts

Still Corners

Unknown Mortal Orchestra

Dead Gaze

Fleet Foxes

Real Estate

John Maus

Lykke Li

Tommy Toussaint

Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti

Bass Drum of Death

Gray Things

Summer Camp

Bobby

The Naked and Famous

Panda Bear

A Gap Between

Washed Out

Patrick Wolf

My most recent Savannah trip was pretty different. I was there entirely to support my best friend, Ben Frisch, who was not only graduating from SCAD’s Master’s program, but graduating at the top with being awarded the title Excelsus Laureate, which is SCAD’s way of saying valedictorian of the graduate students.

Here's Ben's name and fancy title, as seen on the giant monitor at commencement, for proof of his glory.

The week I left for the trip I sent out my 1,600th resume/cover letter combo since I graduated in May 2010. Those 1,600 have gotten me three in-person interviews and two phone interviews and zero jobs. As I drove into Chatham County I got a rejection email about a job I was sincerely hoping I would get. The job I interviewed for in Atlanta back in September not only didn’t pan out, but absolutely nothing came of it. I was told I would know either way about the job two weeks after the interview. I sent a thank you card to the company and my interviewer and a thank you email. When two and a half weeks came and went with no word, I sent an email saying I was still interested and asking if any decision had been made. Two weeks passed after that with no reply and I sent a final email that said basically the same thing, which, of course, produced no response. The end of that Atlanta interview was the last I ever heard from them. Par for the course, I’ve discovered. On Halloween, after giving up hope on that job, I started working part-time at the outlet mall in the town (population: 4,500) I live in with my mom, a temporary measure (both the job and living at home) until I got a real job. A temporary measure that has lasted 9 months and counting.

So, I think it goes without saying that my outlook on life and the future changed drastically between visiting Savannah in September and visiting in June. And although this recent trip lacked that amazing onslaught of visiting friends, not even my frustration and depression regarding the stagnant state of my unemployed, broke, student-loan-spirit-sucking life could dampen a visit to see my friends and the city I lived in for four years.

It’s great to be honored. I’ve won awards and given speeches myself plenty of times. But I really feel that everyone should experience what it’s like to be around when your best friend is being honored. It’s amazing. Ben is fantastic. I’ve known this for a long time. His art is amazing, he’s incredibly smart, and intelligent and witty on a level way above me. None of this is news to me. So to have everyone else discover it . . . SCAD, Paula Wallace (SCAD’s president), all of the students who graduated in 2011, fucking Whoopi Goldberg for godsakes, was pretty amazing.

Ben’s speech was perfect. SCAD gave him a speechwriter to work with, and though Ben is no pushover, I wasn’t sure if the speechwriter was going to make it super speechy or not. Which would be okay, but wouldn’t be very Ben-like. But it was perfect. It was funny (I laughed genuinely among the nervous giggles I had), brought tears to my eyes, smart, and not preachy. What I usually dislike about valedictorian/salutatorian/etc speeches are that they tend to have at least a hint of snobbery. I’m not saying it isn’t hard work getting to that position, I know you have to work harder than most (including myself) to get there. But a valedictorian giving a speech at graduation is still addressing their peers. Especially at a school like SCAD, where I think it’s nearly impossible to compare how good someone is in one discipline to how good someone is in a totally different discipline, it’s a big turn-off to me to think that a few students are better than the rest. But Ben’s speech didn’t even get near any of that stuff. It was just real talk. With a quick gag about Battlestar Galactica thrown in.

Look at him go!

I was in Savannah for about a week and tried to fit as much food and friends as I could: Victoria, Ben, Adam, Tandy, Krista, Coleman, Jack, Mike, Paul, Ellis, Dalton, Allie, Sarah, Catherine, Gino, Sweet Potatoes, Zunzi’s, some new restaurants, jambalaya, and cherry pie.

I correctly predicted at the time that I took this picture of Zunzi's cottage pie that the photo would come back to haunt me at times when I wanted Zunzi's and wouldn't be able to have it.

It’s really weird visiting a city you used to live in. And I didn’t just live in Savannah, the way I do here. I had so many important experiences and first experiences there. I honestly don’t care for the city itself too much (heat, crime, conservative values) but it’ll always represent college life and newness to me. I never visited Savannah before I started school there, so my visit last September was actually the first time I ever visited the city without living in it. This second trip wasn’t any less weird. I divided my lodging between Tandy & Krista’s, Coleman & Jack & Mike’s, and Ben & Allie’s. My second day in town I was driving from Tandy’s house (southside) to Ben’s house (downtown), taking the same route I always took whenever I would go home after hanging out with Tandy, or shopping southside, or going to the movies. I was listening to music and not really thinking about what I was doing. When I turned off my car I realized I wasn’t in front of Ben’s house, but my old apartment. I had driven there without even thinking, it never occurred to me that I was making unnecessary turns that would lead me to the place I used to live, not the place I was going. It was very weird. And annoying.

It was sad leaving Savannah in September . . . I had seen so many friends, so many more than I had expected to see, and most of them were only in town for the weekend of that wedding, so they were gone just as quickly as they came. And I knew it would be a long time before I saw Ben again. After I moved away in June 2010 I knew I would see Ben in New York while I lived there and he visited, and then just a few months later I was seeing him again. But when I left Savannah then, I had no immediate plans that would lead to me seeing him, or any of my friends again. But I did have it in the back of my mind that he would be graduating in June, that there was a possibility for a visit then. Though as time wore on and no jobs or money came through, it seemed less and less likely I would make the trip just to see him walk across the stage for a few seconds. But getting valedictorian totally changed that. How could I pass up the opportunity to not just visit, but to visit for the sole purpose of celebrating how fantastic my best friend is? But there was a different sadness leaving Savannah this time . . . Ben will be moving away soon, Coleman is moving away in January, and Tandy’s planning his escape, too. I don’t know when I’ll be back. I had to say goodbye to a city that for so long meant so much to me and will always represent things that no other place could ever represent, but for real this time.

I like the cold much more than I like the heat. And in about four or five months I’m sure I’ll be wishing for a little piece of what I have now. But sometimes it’s nice to think of summer in the winter, when you aren’t actual melting from heat. Just like it’s nice to think of winter in the summer, when you don’t get a brain freeze just from standing outside.

So with that I present a little mix:

Just some summery songs to listen to when it’s really cold, when you aren’t actually bothered by heat. And a nice Blingee complete with Justin Bieber and a font made of my own handwriting!

Here’s the track listing:
1. Holiday Shores – Phones Don’t Feud
2. Washed Out – Feel It All Around
3. Wavves – King of the Beach
4. Animal Collective – Summertime Clothes
5. Surfer Blood – Swim
6. Kid Cudi, Best Coast, and Rostam Batmanglij – All Summer
7. Neon Indian – Deadbeat Summer
8. Wild Nothing – Summer Holiday
9. Mungo Jerry – In The Summertime
10. Best Coast – Sun Was High (So Was I)
11. The Beach Boys – Kokomo
12. Weezer – Island in the Sun
13. Cults – Go Outside
14. Toro Y Moi – Blessa
15. Ducktails and Panda Bear – Killin’ the Vibe
16. Washed Out – New Theory

So if any of you know me at all, you know that my favorite album of 2010 was hands-down, without a doubt, no contest: Teen Dream by Beach House.

Before Teen Dream, Beach House meant, to me: mellow, sleepy, thick. I really liked Devotion and Beach House but they didn’t particularly speak to me. I’ve never been one for more lo-fi sounds and with Animal Collective and Radiohead making music at the same time as Beach House and Devotion, I just wasn’t into more sleepy sounds.
It was around this time last year that I heard about the new Beach House album leaking. I really try to stay away from leaks, especially of bands I really like. To me, possibly sacrificing quality and the intended finished product for sake of getting music sooner isn’t worth it (the exception to this was the grand Christmas 2008 leak of Merriweather Post Pavilion because who am I to ignore a Christmas miracle?). My friends don’t feel the same way about album leaks and I was slowly being repeatedly told how good Teen Dream was. I listened to “Norway,” which was on Beach House’s website. I was completely blown away. And I grabbed the leak immediately. I also bought the album the week it came out, which, as I suspected, was on a completely different level. Aside from the accompanying DVD of music videos, which added a whole other layer of interpretation, the quality of the actual album was so much better than the leak. I didn’t even think the quality of the leak (a vinyl rip) was bad until I heard how it was intended to be heard.

Teen Dream, though only 10 tracks, is too big and vast in its perfection and my love for it to do it justice just talking about the album in a general way. So this is something I never do; that is, break the album down by song.

• “Zebra”

Unlike “Saltwater” and “Wedding Bell,” the opening tracks on Beach House and Devotion, respectively, “Zebra” opens Teen Dream with a single, crystal-clear sound: that of Alex Scally’s guitar. After his guitar, the sounds delicately layer on one another rather than exploding all at once. Victoria Legrand’s voice, Scally’s back-up vocals, Daniel Franz’s percussion are simple, clear sounds that just move along, meet up with each other, and continue along together. The second verse comes with more pronounced support of Scally’s back-up vocals and Legrand sings with a slightly (very slightly) heightened sense of urgency. “Zebra” is all about building. Beach House is gently leading you into 49 minutes of bliss and they’re doing it carefully. Incidentally, for a really long time I thought the chorus went “black and white whores.” You might be thinking “But the song is called ‘Zebra,’ why would you ever think ‘whores’ before ‘horse?’” I don’t have an answer for you and it probably says more about me than not. The realization that it was “horse” and not “whores” came hand-in-hand with the realization that Victoria Legrand does the main vocals, not Alex Scally. Her voice is so raw and androgynous and that, mixed with me listening to music mostly sung by males without super deep voices (Panda Bear, Thom Yorke, etc), caused me to totally betray my feminist views and automatically assume it was Scally taking the lead and Legrand lending support.
By the time the chorus is finished, Franz’s percussion comes boldly sweeping in. At this point it sounds less like the vocals are being supported by guitar and percussion and more like the three are coming at you at once. But all of the elements are still very simple and clear, making it just sound stronger, not chaotic. The sound gets stronger and stronger through the second chorus until there’s a beautiful moment where the drums drop out and it’s just Scally’s guitar and Legrand’s voice and very subtle percussion. But as Legrand sings the last vocals of the song, “among us,” Franz’s drumming again builds up from the background to carry the song with Scally’s guitar and Legrand’s keyboard until the end.

• “Silver Soul”

Disclaimer: “Silver Soul” is my favorite song on Teen Dream. There are lots of reasons for it: the lyrics, the strength of Legrand’s voice, how fucking sweet Scally’s guitar is . . . but most of all it’s how it all comes together to make this amazing, beautiful, sparkly gem. “Silver Soul” really is like crystal filled with fresh snow, but, you know, in song form.
This true for a lot of songs, especially Beach House songs, but listening to “Silver Soul” on headphones is totally otherworldly. I can do it over and over again (and have, and will). Which, coincidentally, is not something I’ve done since I was a teenager.
Legrand’s lyrics have such great imagery without being too concrete. Not that I have anything against super straightforward lyrics . . . that’s one of the main things I love about Panda Bear’s songs. But Legrand’s lyrics let you follow along with her, but she’s barely holding your hand the entire time, your fingers are barely touching, so you’re having your own entire experience:

The bodies lying in the sand,
They’re moving in the dark
It is so quick to get us in,
Feel it moving through our skin

It’s a sickness,
Infinite quickness, yea

Also, I don’t know anything about guitars. So I can’t say for sure what it is about Scally’s guitar in “Silver Soul” that gets me. It just rips. It’s totally sexy and powerful without overpowering any other elements of the song. There are times when I listen to “Silver Soul” that I just completely focus on the guitar sounds. It makes the song move faster than it does normally and totally underlines the steaming sexuality of “Silver Soul.” And I’m not kidding when I say steaming sexuality. When you really listen to it, to the breathy vocals, to the full-on powerful guitar, to the delicate keys, to the light but insistent drums pounding, to the vocals with words like “the silver soul is running through,” “it gathers heat without you,” and the ever-present “it is happening again,” . . . I think to say the song is about sex doesn’t give it enough credit. It’s about sexuality, sensuality, movement, heat.
In a lot of ways, Teen Dream itself is arguably a very sexual album. But its sexuality is not overt (no lyrical mention of sex or sexuality or any other slang version) while at the same time is, when it’s present, is all-consuming. “Silver Soul” is the first really powerful suggestion of this sexuality, which will be really heightened by the time “10 Mile Stereo” comes along.
But sexuality aside, “Silver Soul” is such a great example of how far Beach House has come as a band: in terms of instrumentation and production, it’s much more advanced than songs on Beach House and Devotion.

• “Norway”

When you’re coming down from “Silver Soul” you might notice that the music doesn’t stop. The gentle lead-in of “Zebra” is far away now, you just heard Victoria Legrand wail “It is happening again” over and over in your ear along with somewhat inaudible back-up vocals from Alex Scally and you’re left spent with only the buzz of Legrand’s keyboard. Before you can tell if “Silver Soul” has ended yet, Legrand is back in your ears again with “Norway,” being sexy, breathing in and out. And Scally’s back, too, with some back-up sexy breathing and a liquidy guitar. Franz’s drumming is more tribal sounding here, a constant backbone, even when Legrand switches seamlessly from feminine breathiness back to the commanding androgyny of her vocals. As she sings something that sounds almost fairytale-like:

We were sleeping ’til
You came along,
With your tiny heart

You led us in the wooden
House
To share in all the wealth

Scally’s guitar whines behind her and by the time Legrand repeats “Norway,” it seems oddly fitting: there’s nothing in “Norway” that directly cites the country but, as an American who has never been to Norway (or out of the country at all, except to England), it matches perfectly this vision of Norway as a snowy, otherworldly place, possibly inhabited by gnomes or something.
But “Norway” is sensual, too . . . you can just hear how Scally’s and Legrand’s fingers are dancing over the strings and keys of their instruments. And you can also hear the song’s heartbeat in Franz’s drums. When Legrand sings “Where you thinking that you’re gonna run to now, with the beating of a tiny heart,” it’s as if she’s giving Franz a little shout out as well as an urge to keep going because she knows we are not going anymore, not in the song, not in the album.
Legrand’s ultra-feminine breathing that backs up the chorus is a perfect display of her power as a vocalist. You can have her womanly sounds (which nearly sounds like moaning), but she’s not a little woman there to breathe in your ear. Legrand is no doubt a talented organist but her most powerful, and most personal, tool is her voice, especially when she yells out “Norway” amidst some drum bashing and guitar strumming and still takes the lead of all the sounds.

• “Walk in the Park”

I think Beach House did a really wise thing with placing “Walk in the Park” here. Teen Dream isn’t exhausting; it still has that mellow feel Beach House is known for. But after “Silver Soul” and “Norway,” Beach House has taken you up up up up and with “Walk in the Park” they’re going to keep you up, but gently.
“Walk in the Park” is also another really great showcase of Scally’s guitar. It’s deep in the beginning, bass-y even. Paired with Legrand’s deep opening vocals, it’s a classic build-up to the chorus, which sees Legrand’s voice going higher and Scally’s guitar getting higher, too, and more complicated. Her voice and his guitar have always been the hand-in-hand driving force of Beach House and here you see just how well they support each other.
“Walk in the Park” really shows Beach House as a pop band. I don’t mean “pop” as a negative here, as it so often tends to be with more “indie” bands. The way Scally’s guitar and Legrand’s voice descend back after the first chorus and ascend when the chorus comes again is so classic sounding. It has distinct parts, which can easily be a bad or boring thing, but of course, this is Beach House, so it’s not anything but awesome and beautiful.
I think one of the things that makes “Walk in the Park” so good (besides everything else I already said) are the last repeating lines:

More . . .
You want more . . .
You tell me,
More only time can run me

Which repeat over and over until the end. But really it’s just the words that repeat: Legrand does not sing it the exact same way each time and Scally’s guitar, again, changes along with her voice. The feeling in her voice changes too: calm, absolute, insisting, almost angry, powerful. Describing the end this way makes it sound completely schizophrenic. But again, this is Beach House. The changes in the way she sings each repeat are super subtle and it’s really one of the nuggets of brilliance you find after multiple and close listenings. And the end of the song is fitting, for the beginning: a classic fadeout. Not only is this another pop song signal, but hearing Legrand’s voice fade out slowly reminds you of the gentleness of the band you’re listening to.

• “Used to Be”

Every time the song changes on Teen Dream, you hear the care that Beach House put into the record. The songs aren’t just on the record for a reason, they’re there on the record for a reason. There’s a few seconds of silence at the very end of “Walk in the Park” that clears away for the clean, crisp, light, champagneish opening of “Used to Be.” I almost don’t want to call the sound a thump, even though that’s what it is, because it’s so gentle. “Walk in the Park” let you go easily and “Used to Be” isn’t about to just throw you into the deep end. And leave it to Victoria Legrand to somehow sing the opening lines both softly and powerfully:

You are coming home,
Are you still alone,
Are you not the same as you used to be

Each syllable she sings is enhanced by a key she’s pressing, which makes her words sound even more like crystal or glass. And when more sounds are added (percussion, back-up vocals), they are done so softly. It’s a “Zebra”-like layering of delicate sounds, which Beach House has done so well in the past with Beach House and Devotion. And as the first chorus ends comes the build-up that Beach House is also so good at: Daniel Franz’s drums come up again, from the darkness somewhere in the background, Legrand’s voice gets stronger, the overall sound of the song gets fuller.
I want to devote some space to the vocals after the second chorus, the repetition of “Coming home any day now.” I’m not about to compare my own singing voice to that of Legrand’s but I can say this: it physically hurts me to sing this part. I’m a 22 year old girl who sang soprano in choir and I can’t come close. And yes, she has a naturally beautiful voice (unlike me) and years of training (unlike me) but it just totally blows my mind that her voice can do this. It is so high and feminine she sounds like a fairy singing. This is also another factor in my initial belief that Alex Scally was the main singer: I thought Scally sang the main vocals and then Legrand came in for parts like this one. Because surely someone can’t sing so high and so low so equally beautifully. But it’s in a section like this how apparent it is that this isn’t someone: Victoria Legrand isn’t some singer, Beach House isn’t some band. If she was and they were, moments like this wouldn’t exist. And I can also say, from my own first-hand account, that moments like these are replicated so beautifully and flawlessly live that it’s hard to not feel compelled to bow down at Scally and Legrand’s feet.

• “Lover of Mine”

“Lover of Mine” marks the beginning of the second half of Teen Dream. When you look at the last five songs in a really vague way, you can sense the ultra-slow build that will peak with “10 Mile Stereo,” dip with “Real Love” and then level out with “Take Care” on the same plane that “Zebra” started with.
A lot of sounds open “Lover of Mine” and they continue to add onto each other until Legrand’s vocals come in and the other sounds step back slightly. The beginning of the lyrics add to the cohesiveness of Teen Dream:

You hear my cry
Lover of mine

No tear in the eye or
Fear in my mind

The forest is thick
And we don’t recognize
We parted our lips and
We reached from inside

You’ve got this imagery, this sexuality, this woodland-ness that the vocals of the past five songs have touched on.
I also think Legrand’s voice does something cool with these lyrics:

In a wide open field
We know we can feel
Awake and unreal

When she sings these lines, “field,” “feel,” and “unreal” sound almost identical, making the lines sort of meld together. The following, repeated line, “Off to nowhere,” is more distinct, but is supported by back-up vocals from Scally. I wouldn’t expect Beach House to have a song called “Lover of Mine” without sounds and feelings joining together and whirling around. Even when the sound is from a single source (like Legrand’s voice) . . . because, after all, no one says a lover has to be someone else besides yourself (though, the lines “Need more people to be satisfied” might suggest that this lone-love is not optimal).
The name Teen Dream is abstract (unlike other similarly-titled albums that were released this year . . . don’t even get me started on that) but at the same time so concrete, especially for those of us who were a teen not too long ago (four years for me). But Legrand and Scally aren’t old . . . 10 years ago they were both teenagers, too. Ten years is a really good amount of time to provide perspective without clouding memories. To me, “Lover of Mine” might be the best illustration of the idea of a teen dream:

The only thing you’ve got
You know you’re
Better off without it

If you’re a lonely teenager and all you’ve got is this dream of a lover you don’t have but cry out for . . . when you look back at it, those terrible, soul-engulfing crushes, they might be embarrassing if for no other reason than their pointlessness. You might even be inclined to realize you’re better off without it. Analyzing lyrics, especially ones like this, is sort of silly and don’t do the songs justice, in my opinion. But I just can’t help, after so many listens, to think about this kind of stuff.

• “Better Times”

I really love how “Better Times” starts out. Simple keys, light percussion, Victoria Legrand’s voice getting extra deep. And the first verses are a great buildup: the end of the second verse, which is “Thought I wasn’t looking anymore,” is a great way to start telling a story. Not to mention it’s paired with some increased Daniel Franz percussion and the addition of ultra-smooth, bass-y sounding guitar from Alex Scally.
These lyrics:

I don’t want to know
I don’t want to know
We don’t need the sign
To know of
Better times

to me are a nice, subtle continuation of the thoughts behind “Lover of Mine,” as the lover in “Better Times” is real, part of the story. Not a teenage obsession, but a relationship that comes out of more maturity. Which I think is a sure mark of better times, in general.
There’s a really nice part when Legrand repeats this verse:

Running around cause you beat yourself up
And you made a crack
And the one that you love is gone
How much longer can you play with fire
Before you turn into a liar

and the music sort of pauses (but not completely) a little to let Legrand’s voice be undoubtedly front-and-center. And, like any other repeated lines in any other Beach House song, there’s nothing identical or over-processed sounding. The second time she sings the lines sounds even fuller and more mature than the first time. Plus she says “fire” like fiyah and “liar” like lie, which, with a voice like her’s, sounds awesome.
AND THEN we come to one of my favorite little moments on all of Teen Dream. After “lie,” Legrand breathes “huh” and “oh” and then there’s a pause. She stops singing but the music doesn’t stop completely; it’s the same sound here that opens “Better Times” and it’s alone for just a couple of seconds before all of the other sounds we’ve heard in the song AND THEN SOME come back at you along with Legrand belting a long, raw, “I” to begin “I’ve been around before.” It’s a really small moment and hard to describe in words, but it’s beautiful, goosebump-inducing stuff. My car used to have extra sensitive windshield wipers; the slightest bump in the road could send them off on full-blast. I can’t tell you how many times, when Legrand’s voice and the rest of the music came bursting out that I would involuntarily bang the palm of my hand against my steering wheel in time with the music and set off my windshield wipers, and startle myself every time.
And one last thing: I defy to find someone that sings the word “smoke” more awesomely and sexily than Victoria Legrand in the last verse of “Better Times.”

• “10 Mile Stereo”

The single, constant percussion thump that begins the first four seconds of “10 Mile Stereo” lets you know what song this is going to be: BUMPIN’. But, more eloquently, this heartbeat-like drumming sets you up for what’s going to be the glittery climax of Teen Dream. Though by climax, I don’t mean “highest point” and I certainly don’t mean it to imply that the remaining two songs that follow are an afterthought or not as good. I mean it in a much more primal, sexual way.
The beginning lyrics contain two challenges:

They say we will go far
But they don’t know how far
We’ll go

followed later by

They say we can throw far
But they don’t know how far
We throw

I think it would be really easy to equate “they” with “critics” and “we” with “Beach House,” which I think is an oversimplification but might not be entirely off the mark. By the end of the second challenge Legrand poses to her listeners there’s still over four minutes left in the song. To me, more than anything, it’s the sense of a challenge that comes with these words that are most powerful and rather than imagining it as Legrand saying “Beach House will be around for a long time,” I think it has much more of an immediate effect of “check this shit out.” Especially since the sounds build more and more with each line that she sings. Like I’ve said before, Beach House is not about in-your-face music. They’re not going to push you into anything. They’re building you up slowly, like the good lovers that they are.
The first time Legrand sings the chorus, it’s not quite as grand and expansive as you might expect. She sings it rather softly, for a chorus, and clearly. But by now you should know that just because Legrand sings something one way now, doesn’t mean it’s going to be same next time she sings it. And the more complex-sounding guitar and keys that follow afterward further suggest to the buildup, as does the line “In the heat of a night, We would cry, You are not mine.”
The second chorus comes with the music bumping faster behind Legrand, who draws the words out a little more this time, which really allows her voice to fill the sound. And here a line from the first chorus, “Tear a moment from the days, That carry us on,” is changed to “Bright pyramids at night, That carry us on.” I just want to say here how beautiful and amazing it is to hear Legrand belt (and she does belt) that line live on the Teen Dream tour with their stage set-up. Though the stage changed throughout the tour there were ever-present pyramidal shapes that stood bright against the usually-dark, usually-nighttime stage.
It’s the second and third chorus that the whole climactic feeling is really present, as both choruses are back-to-back. Legrand does not hold back at all when she’s singing the third chorus, and neither does Scally or Franz, Scally’s guitar sliding back and forth along Legrand’s voice and Franz punctuating her words with cymbal crashes. And when she ends the chorus (and the song) with the new lines “Love’s like a pantheon, It carries on forever,” I can’t help but think not of an architectural dome but of the pulsating orgasm that Legrand’s voice is emulating here, which not only does not sound like it will end, but you don’t want it to end.
But of course, Beach House is not going to just cut you off. Her voice fades out slowly, the instruments scale back, and the song ends in a glittery afterglow. Oh, and also, the album’s not even done!

• “Real Love”

Before Teen Dream, when I thought of a song called “Real Love,” I thought of The Beatles. The Beatles’ “Real Love” is not exactly super upbeat (no “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” or “Twist and Shout”) but it is undoubtedly optimistic, not dark, and, above all else, a classic-sounding pop song.
But the opening sounds of Beach House’s “Real Love” are a different story. And for good reason: after what you’ve just experienced with “10 Mile Stereo” an upbeat love song wouldn’t feel right. You know right away that you’ll still be coming down with “Real Love” with the deep, dark, opening piano and the faint sounds of what sounds like clacking crystal in the back. There’s some very light percussion in the background, but the beginning is very much just Victoria Legrand and her keyboard. Her voice is, I think, the most soulful it’s ever been here and still without being overbearing. And when she sings, “There’s someone in that room, That frightens you when they go boom,” she does it with such care that she sounds nearly heartbreakingly nurturing, even when she goes on to repeat that frightening “boom.”
And you know, the real beauty in Victoria Legrand’s voice is her ability to juxtapose such different sounds seamlessly, and to do so both on record and live. When she sings the line, “The color you say is black,” it’s almost indescribable how she enunciates “black.” But it is big and it is powerful and it totally emphasizes the darkness of “Real Love.” But she immediately follows it with such a gentle, almost cracking, “Is the one you might lack.” Her voice is not scary or diva-ish or even entirely sad (though there are touches of that here) but it’s instead just lying in bed with you, trying to discuss your relationship in that emotional, post-sex time (this song does follow “10 Mile Stereo,” remember).
There’s also a moment (which happens twice, actually) in “Real Love” that is another one of my favorites on Teen Dream because it highlights my love for the English language. I would argue that my confusing “horse” with “whores” in “Zebra” is another instance of this, but that was unintentional, so it sort of doesn’t count. What I’m talking about it Legrand repeating “I met you.” First she says “I metchu.” Then she says, very clearly, “I met you.” I can’t quite place what it is I love about this. It sounds like something that comes out of a serious talk: she says it once conversationally, blending the words together. But then the repeats it, more distinctly, more profoundly, more seriously. That, followed with a few painful “oh”s, some more sound coming in from both Scally and Franz, and the lines that follow:

There’s something wrong with our hearts
When they beat pure they stand apart

brings out the sadness in Legrand’s voice, the likes of which haven’t really been shown until now, and I’m including in that Beach House and Devotion. This continues with the lines:

Real love
It finds you somewhere
With your back to it

This is certainly not the “Real Love” of The Beatles, who sang:

No need to be alone
It’s real love, it’s real,
Yes it’s real love, it’s real

Are you getting really sad?? Hold on! After the second pair of “I met you” and “oh,” the tone of the song shifts. The piano gets lighter and higher and some lighter percussion comes in. Legrand ends the song with the lines

You know, you know,
We belong
By the stream,
To the dawn

repeated a couple of times. Though not identical and not necessarily related, the lines “We belong by the stream to the dawn,” ties back, at least in feeling if not in a little bit of the imagery, to the lines “With our legs on the edge, And our feet on the horizon,” in “10 Mile Stereo.” “Real Love” is not a breakup song. It might be a “serious talk” song or a “relationship evaluation” song, but it’s not over. And neither is Teen Dream . . .

• “Take Care”

It would be unlike Beach House and Teen Dream as a whole to end the album on anything less than hopeful. And so, “Take Care” comes waltzing in as Teen Dream‘s closing track. Are you feeling a little anxious or a little down after “Real Love?” Don’t worry, Victoria Legrand (and her keyboard and Alex Scally and Daniel Franz) is here to reassure you:

Stand beside it,
We can hide the way
It makes us glow,
It’s no good unless it grows,
Feel this burning
Love of mine

In fact, I would argue that “Take Care” is all about reassurance. Not necessarily in a super concrete way, though it does have Legrand repeating “I’ll take care of you,” and it’s hard to feel troubled with that being sung into your ears.
There is a sense of longing here as, as always, Beach House is not about to force you into anything: “I’ll take care of you, If you ask me to.” Beach House is here for you, you know. And I’m sure to say Beach House here rather than just Victoria Legrand because while “Real Love” was very much centered on her voice and her keyboard, “Take Care” has that familiar full-band feel that is not so much supporting Legrand’s voice but, as they’ve done before, strolling along side her.
If I had to use one word to describe “Take Care” it would be: nice. Especially as the song winds down and Legrand adds the further reassurance:

I’ll take care of you
Take care of you
Take care of you
That’s true

And it is true. “Take Care” is the longest song on Teen Dream because Beach House has just shared this beautiful experience with you and they’re not just going to turn you loose. They’re going to let you go gently. With each repeat of Legrand’s voice and Scally’s guitar and Franz’s drums reminding you that they’ll take care of you, Beach House, which has been holding your hand with varying degrees of pressure for the past forty or so minutes, is giving you a soft pat on the hand. “Take Care” is like lovers saying goodbye after spending a night together: it’s over, but it’s not the end.

If you immediately begin Teen Dream again after listening to it, it’s beautiful how “Take Care” works into “Zebra.” It’s almost like a mathematical formula: “Love’s like a pantheon, it carries on” = Teen Dream = love = “like a pantheon, it carries on forever.”

I’m no expert on music but I’ve listened to a whole lot of it and Teen Dream is one of my favorite albums ever. It is so beautiful and perfect it simply just stands on its own: Beach House’s fourth album can’t top Teen Dream and can’t be a let down from Teen Dream; it’s too complete for that.

If you haven’t bought (or, my god, even listened to) Teen Dream yet, I urge urge urge urge urge you to do so.

Thank you music, thank you Sub Pop, thank you Beach House, thank you Teen Dream.

Ocky-Toby 20-10